Love that you suggested giving the kid breathing room. His family sounds suffocating, albeit well-meaning. Lots of places, usually larger cities, have meetings for young people. Joe could find his people in those. They would show him by example that he can get clean and also have fun. Young people especially need to know that a sober life isn’t boring.
A kid trying to get clean can't orient himself if five people are pulling in five directions, however loving each pull is. Being the family member who notices that, and who's willing to be a steady single voice rather than one more competing one, may be the most useful role available to you. Wishing Joe — and all of you — steadiness through this.
My God I'm so happy this young person has so many people in his life that care about him! Truly a blessing. I was raised by what I refer to as, "depression era" parents who were both adult children of alcoholic fathers. Whole different mindset about parenting, and mental health, and addiction. I was 16 and went to my father and asked if I could talk to someone about things. It was obvious to anyone even remotely paying attention that I had some issues. My father didn't ask what was wrong, all he said was, "if you can't solve your own problems, you're weak"... Oh my... Can you imagine?! I didn't find recovery until I was 48 years old. Sometimes I wonder what might have been if I had found recovery at 16. I can't change a thing. AND my life is beautiful. I truly believe life unfolds as it should. Even if it's "messy" this kid has a strong shot of hope!
My parents were good people, also Depression era raised. But they were clueless about raising their 3 kids and they drank, a lot. My brothers never thrived, though they were much loved by friends & family. What I appreciate looking back are the various adults, a neighbor lady, several of my mother's friends, a couple of great aunts (sadly, not my grandmother), who stepped in at critical times with much needed encouragement & advice. Looking back, I wish I had thanked them. It made a difference, a big difference, in choices I made and my sense of self worth.
Love that you suggested giving the kid breathing room. His family sounds suffocating, albeit well-meaning. Lots of places, usually larger cities, have meetings for young people. Joe could find his people in those. They would show him by example that he can get clean and also have fun. Young people especially need to know that a sober life isn’t boring.
Such sound advice! 👏👏👏
A kid trying to get clean can't orient himself if five people are pulling in five directions, however loving each pull is. Being the family member who notices that, and who's willing to be a steady single voice rather than one more competing one, may be the most useful role available to you. Wishing Joe — and all of you — steadiness through this.
My God I'm so happy this young person has so many people in his life that care about him! Truly a blessing. I was raised by what I refer to as, "depression era" parents who were both adult children of alcoholic fathers. Whole different mindset about parenting, and mental health, and addiction. I was 16 and went to my father and asked if I could talk to someone about things. It was obvious to anyone even remotely paying attention that I had some issues. My father didn't ask what was wrong, all he said was, "if you can't solve your own problems, you're weak"... Oh my... Can you imagine?! I didn't find recovery until I was 48 years old. Sometimes I wonder what might have been if I had found recovery at 16. I can't change a thing. AND my life is beautiful. I truly believe life unfolds as it should. Even if it's "messy" this kid has a strong shot of hope!
Absolutely agree!
My parents were good people, also Depression era raised. But they were clueless about raising their 3 kids and they drank, a lot. My brothers never thrived, though they were much loved by friends & family. What I appreciate looking back are the various adults, a neighbor lady, several of my mother's friends, a couple of great aunts (sadly, not my grandmother), who stepped in at critical times with much needed encouragement & advice. Looking back, I wish I had thanked them. It made a difference, a big difference, in choices I made and my sense of self worth.