I’ve always found that carrying around a drink that doesn’t need replenishing and looks like it could possibly be alcoholic staves off those folks who desperately want everyone to be DRINKING. I’m sure you’ve experienced the blast of anxiety other people have about a non-drinker. Is it because we’ll actually remember what happened the next day?! Who knows? I’m just grateful to wake up clear-eyed the next morning and not have to waste a whole day recovering from the night before!
When I teach relapse prevention, I tell people my two rules for going places with people (which is the same advice I give to women on a first date with a stranger lol)
1. Bring your own drink(you covered this, and it's always a good idea)
2. Drive yourself- Why? because if you are in a situation where you feel like drinking or you feel like I need to get out of here, it eliminates the barriers of why you can't leave.
What if your friend doesn't want to leave, and you need to go? Trouble
What if you rode with someone and you need to get out of here before they lose their mind? Trouble
I'm not saying anyone's willpower isn't strong for doing this, but don't put yourself in a high risk situation that you don't have to.
Happened to me one time, I rode with my brother, and I was losing my mind and wanted to leave. He didn't want to go, so I went outside and sat by myself for 2 hours until he was ready to leave. I told myself then and there that I would never let it happen again.
Great suggestions. I would like to add two. 1) Have an exit plan. If possible, drive yourself to the functions so you aren’t dependent on another. In this Uber and Lyft era, take advantage. 2) Stay in one-day-at-a-time mode. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by so much hype, expectations, and over-stimulation of the holidays. I have to stay present (hey! A pun!) and adjust my own activities to take care of myself.
Yes! I was trying to get at the exit plan with the first suggestion, but I definitely could have been more explicit. Thank you for your great additions!
With my partner, we even have a code word that I can pepper into any conversation if I’m feeling uncomfortable and I need the subject of the conversation to change. We also have another one which means, “we need to leave RIGHT NOW”. This has helped us through many social situations, and even public scenarios that we have felt like something isn’t right here.
I am SO much like you in social situations. More than 8 people at a party & I'm overwhelmed. My spouse & I attended TWO parties this past weekend, the 1st one must have had 100 guests! I found a seat on a sofa & was 'trapped' by people around me. Fortunately, a man & his wife sat nearby & I asked my favorite question in such situations: "What's new in your life?" They were so relieved to be able to share & we were off & running with the topic of travel. My spouse checked in from time to time, handing me a plate or refreshing my soda. Yay! I made it through the evening. There's often someone just like you at such an event, someone who wants a real conversation about ordinary things. Pets are great, but connecting in a real way with a fellow guest is very satisfying.
These were such great tips. And it's so true about taking breaks and I like what you mentioned about the kids. In my drinking days I missed all the silly things my kids were saying at doing, but now they are such an anchor for me to hang onto when I'm not feeling strong.
Ugh, I just avoid if at all possible. I thought nobody noticed, but a colleague recently asked if she would see me later at the staff party, and a couple of people said, “Oh she never goes,” so I guess cat’s out of the bag. 🤷
No matter how many years or months or days of sobriety, the holidays are always tricky because they make me remember that last holiday season before I got sober, which wasn’t…pretty. Thanks for the tips!
I’ve always found that carrying around a drink that doesn’t need replenishing and looks like it could possibly be alcoholic staves off those folks who desperately want everyone to be DRINKING. I’m sure you’ve experienced the blast of anxiety other people have about a non-drinker. Is it because we’ll actually remember what happened the next day?! Who knows? I’m just grateful to wake up clear-eyed the next morning and not have to waste a whole day recovering from the night before!
YES!
Great point. Ginger ale became my go-to in early sobriety.
Add a wedge of lime and you'll be way cool, too!
And a little swizzle stick.
When I teach relapse prevention, I tell people my two rules for going places with people (which is the same advice I give to women on a first date with a stranger lol)
1. Bring your own drink(you covered this, and it's always a good idea)
2. Drive yourself- Why? because if you are in a situation where you feel like drinking or you feel like I need to get out of here, it eliminates the barriers of why you can't leave.
What if your friend doesn't want to leave, and you need to go? Trouble
What if you rode with someone and you need to get out of here before they lose their mind? Trouble
I'm not saying anyone's willpower isn't strong for doing this, but don't put yourself in a high risk situation that you don't have to.
Happened to me one time, I rode with my brother, and I was losing my mind and wanted to leave. He didn't want to go, so I went outside and sat by myself for 2 hours until he was ready to leave. I told myself then and there that I would never let it happen again.
Good post and thank you for sharing.
Great suggestions. I would like to add two. 1) Have an exit plan. If possible, drive yourself to the functions so you aren’t dependent on another. In this Uber and Lyft era, take advantage. 2) Stay in one-day-at-a-time mode. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by so much hype, expectations, and over-stimulation of the holidays. I have to stay present (hey! A pun!) and adjust my own activities to take care of myself.
Yes! I was trying to get at the exit plan with the first suggestion, but I definitely could have been more explicit. Thank you for your great additions!
With my partner, we even have a code word that I can pepper into any conversation if I’m feeling uncomfortable and I need the subject of the conversation to change. We also have another one which means, “we need to leave RIGHT NOW”. This has helped us through many social situations, and even public scenarios that we have felt like something isn’t right here.
I am SO much like you in social situations. More than 8 people at a party & I'm overwhelmed. My spouse & I attended TWO parties this past weekend, the 1st one must have had 100 guests! I found a seat on a sofa & was 'trapped' by people around me. Fortunately, a man & his wife sat nearby & I asked my favorite question in such situations: "What's new in your life?" They were so relieved to be able to share & we were off & running with the topic of travel. My spouse checked in from time to time, handing me a plate or refreshing my soda. Yay! I made it through the evening. There's often someone just like you at such an event, someone who wants a real conversation about ordinary things. Pets are great, but connecting in a real way with a fellow guest is very satisfying.
Absolutely! And I’m going to steal that question; it’s a great one.
These were such great tips. And it's so true about taking breaks and I like what you mentioned about the kids. In my drinking days I missed all the silly things my kids were saying at doing, but now they are such an anchor for me to hang onto when I'm not feeling strong.
Ugh, I just avoid if at all possible. I thought nobody noticed, but a colleague recently asked if she would see me later at the staff party, and a couple of people said, “Oh she never goes,” so I guess cat’s out of the bag. 🤷
Great list!
But you tipped your hand, revealing your local environs: I'm in Iowa, which means gas station sushi is a certain invitation to the local ER.
haha, that might be true everywhere (but i’m not brave enough to find out!)
No matter how many years or months or days of sobriety, the holidays are always tricky because they make me remember that last holiday season before I got sober, which wasn’t…pretty. Thanks for the tips!
Katie, Sari Botton, Oldster Magazine, Lenora Roseen, Matthew, Kristin, Ariane Anusbigian, and all,
Holiday Emergency [Christmas Vacation] (2:47)
https://melodysheep.bandcamp.com/track/holiday-emergency-christmas-vacation
& More for Peace
https://michaelatkinson.substack.com/
🦖
definitely! I know some AA groups have meeting basically around the clock during the holidays.