such a relief to find an informed perspective on this book -Im not bothering to read as i have too many other things to do - what was that about anonymity and not profiting from recovery ?
As a recovering alcoholic (2/2/84), I have learned that I can share *my* experience with drinking, drugging, recovery. Period. I can’t speak for other alcoholics. Although we have similarities in our experiences, it is not cookie-cutter identical. If I use the word “we,” it is meant to identify & qualify — not assume my experience is your experience (in either drinking/using or recovery). And I do simply share my experience— any strength or hope is what the listener leaves with (and that, too, will vary depending upon the listener’s experience). Thanks for letting me share. ☮️🙏🏼❤️
I think the personal testimonies are what make sharing recovery stories so powerful. The “what it was like, what happened, what it’s like now,” formula is a great way of keeping people focused on their experience—not what it means for everyone else.
Funny thing, and to your point: a program friend of mine likes to say that what the literature actually says is “what WE were like, what happened, and what WE are like now.” So it very much is speaking about *ourselves* and not generalizing for all alcoholics everywhere.
Totally. A valid and important point. Some in 12-step recovery can get a little too broad and pedantic about The Right Path or Who We All Are. There are broad similarities, but in the end we're all individuals.
Yes, exactly. Everyone has a different situation and there is no single blueprint. Once you are sober it can be easy to think you’ve cracked the code for everyone, but that’s just not possible. Everyone has their own triggers and weaknesses and strengths. I didnt join a program or go to meetings, I just swore never to drink again and have maintained my vow for 16 years. The woman I was seeing at the time also tried to quit, but went through multiple DUIs and felony jail time before she finally mostly quit. We are all individuals with our own damage and our own repair facilities.
A memoir is a sharing of one’s life experience. I’m unclear as to how it can be weighed upon, both in a positive and negative way? It belongs to them. It requires no defending nor explanations. Perhaps the true success of a book is when it has elicited strong feelings? In this case, apparently it has. I appreciate learning, unlearning, and trusting my own inner guidance and wisdom. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I love this....."It belongs to them" - it's so tricky because celebs often feel like they belong to us; I think that's one of the reason I loved this book (which I read cover to cover and quickly) - it's just raw, messy, real and to me - a great memoir.
Sorry for my english... I totally agree. I'm not an addict but I took this book just as the painful and enlightening living experience of one specific being. I did not feel any kind of lesson Liz Gilbert would have try to teach about addiction, that's why I consider her testimony as universal. Just a path she was harshly invited to follow, mirroring her own inconsistencies and blind spots, with great sincerity and courage... I loved the conversations she had with God ! 😁
“Perhaps the true success of a book is when it has elicited strong feelings?” Yes! I’ve always used “something that evokes emotion” as my definition of art.
Agree with this. Everyone has the right to produce whatever kind of book they want. But I think the author of this essay is just saying that she feels EG didn't think about it as deeply as she could have, or perhaps just hasn't had long enough to really take it all in. Too many broad brushstrokes.
I understand fully the intent of her words. We are the experts of our own lives, and a memoir is simply sharing that. Never is it intended to be “the way” for anyone else. It is within the sprinkling of the seeds, that we each are finding our way home. We inherently possess free will and choice. I would never read about someone else’s experience and believe it must be mine. No one has that kind of power.
I rolled in 2/16/84 and still have a group and go to meetings twice a week to see my friends. I stopped reading recovery memoirs halfway through the second one. I’ll still read an article or column. But a lot of it is bragging about low bottoms and “ain’t I heroic” crap. AA is perfect but it’s full of drunks. I find two things irksome to this day. One is “If you haven’t had a drink today, give yourself a hand” which is 180 degrees opposite of what the program teaches. The second was covered here but it’s worth repeating. Don’t say “We are shiftless or we are grandiose or we all enjoy driving blindfolded” or whatever cockamamie thing you do that you would like to drag others into. I always want to ask if they are using the Royal We or if they have a mouse in their pocket.
I have not read her latest book, but I'm always wary of memoirs that use sweeping words like "always" and "all (insert group name here).' It smacks of lazy writing and an inability to put your own experience into perspective and consider how someone else's might be different.
My assessment of Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing: she is a writer who “feels” and delights in sharing the feels; she is not a writer who “thinks” and assesses and researches the facts against her own experience. The Oxford gaffe is one example of a kind of intellectual effort she doesn’t like to be bothered with. The conundrum to me is her absolutely unparalleled willingness to take on and share hard experiences— while refusing to do the hard work of processing them into something profound.
Agree 100% with your observations. I cringe when I hear people (usually relative newbies) say, “As alcoholics … “ and then make sweeping generalizations. 30+ years sober here and I was deeply uncomfortable reading about some of Gilbert’s proclamations (thanks for reading it so I don’t have to). That said, I enjoyed “Eat Pray Love” back in the day.
It is interesting to think about generalization as the thing that makes it sellable, and helps it go from memoir (a hopefully interesting story about my life) to self-help (we are the same, so the things that fixed me will fix you!).
I feel the same way when people in AA refer to The Solution, as if there is this one very specific way to Do AA and if you veer from that you're Doing it Wrong.
The "wait 10 years before writing a recovery memoir" rule is funny because it's obviously impossible to enforce, but also painfully accurate. Early sobriety produces that evangelical certainty about What All Addicts Need—I definitely went through a phase where I thought everyone's addiction looked exactly like mine and required exactly my solution. It isn't very comfortable in retrospect, but it's also a normal part of the process when you've just discovered something that saved your life.
The difference between "this worked for me" and "this is a universal truth about all addicts" is where Gilbert's book apparently goes off the rails. You can write a powerful memoir about your own recovery without diagnosing everyone else or making sweeping claims about addict behavior that don't hold up under scrutiny. The fact that she's presenting factually incorrect information about AA's history while positioning herself as an authority on recovery is especially frustrating—if you're going to write a self-help/recovery manifesto, the research should be bulletproof.
"Addicts don't do well when they lose contact with a higher power," followed immediately by Gilbert demonstrating exactly why that kind of absolute statement is problematic, is chef's kiss levels of irony.
The point about humility versus unearned authority captures the whole issue perfectly. Writing honestly about your own messy recovery is brave. Declaring yourself an expert on all addiction after five years sober from one specific manifestation of it is… not that. Sometimes the most radical honesty is admitting the limits of what you actually know.
This cracks me up because my first sponsor told me that she was going to title her autobiography "Nobody Special" - it seemed so wise to newbie me but now it's just 😳🤪😂
Totally true. The early days, the Pink Cloud, is ego-inducing and hard to escape in the moment. Years need to pass before you see the puzzle pieces of yourself start to come together and it all finally starts making more Big Picture sense. Our arrogance and excitement in early sobriety are humorous :)
I totally agree with your read on this book. Her insistence that her experience was the universal path for all was quite off putting. I also rolled my eyes at her frequently certainty that god was speaking to her directly.
I don't think EG would describe herself as a typical Christian or maybe even Christian at all. Maybe she would says he's just spiritual. As an atheist I don't know the answer to this but.....................isn't that what many Christians think? That God speaks to them directly? Which is why they do or believe the things they do? Hasn't it been that way for like eternity? People doing things because God told them to.
gosh I do feel god speaks directly to me. Neal Donald Walsh style. And recovery gave me that connection - I'm so grateful for it. And what if I'm wrong? Or god forbid, she is? Who does that hurt? I feel like god, or guides or whoever the eff is in my head has a fantastic sense of humor so that's how I roll with this whole game....
Katie, I truly adore you and always respect your opinions —you gave me advice when I was in a very confused and lost space, for which I will always be grateful.
I read the book —actually listened to Liz’ own reading of the book, and I had a different overall take on it.
I freely admit that I have never read any of Gilbert’s other books (I know I watched the Eat, Prey movie but I did not have any preconceived notions about her when I listened to the novel.
It is a complex work, but any attempt to distill a number of years or experience into a cognizant format is bound to have parts that are going to be upsetting or even confusing to someone who didn’t live the very unique experiences. There were parts that I truly enjoyed and some that were head scratchers. But as a whole, considering all of the topics, the arc of the narrative, and the person who put even unflattering parts of her life on display (even if highly curated) I enjoyed the book. The love of two flawed people, and the difficulty of addiction and cancer (as well as being a person caring for someone with a terminal diagnosis) unlocked emotions and feelings that were painful but also cathartic. Gilbert was also able to help me realize that caretaker burn out is not a solitary experience and deserves to be discussed.
I have significant questions about people who felt the need to criticize Gilbert but never consumed the book as a whole and I appreciate you taking the time to read it. For this reason, my comments are really just a differing opinion, not necessarily critical.
As a person who has been sober for more than 10 years, and who experienced the cancer diagnosis of a loved one, and was present at the end of a brutal journey, what Gilbert tried to do in the novel felt vital and important. She brought light to topics I cannot yet discuss (for my own sanity) with her own grief, both before and after Raya’s death. As a book on the difficulties of living and loving a person who has a terminal cancer diagnosis, the mere articulating of one experience felt vital and necessary. The messiness was part of the point to me, as a reader, because like the rooms of AA when you realize you are not alone there can be a comfort that allows you to set aside the shame and the internal anger that one (me in particular) can feel, possibly finding a way forward.
As a drunk, I found the passages about AA and the related groups to be refreshing and also vital because Gilbert is a person people will undoubtably “listen to” and may open minds and hearts to considering the programs as a way to address individual addictions. The book felt important, but not for the historical or philosophy accuracy, but because she (in my mind) accurately captured the spirit of AA and related groups. So many people (not you) are quick to criticize AA because of the importance of “higher power” in the recovery process, the turning over your life to something external, as opposed to the belief that “I can control this,” or “I can fix it”. For me, and this is just a personal observation and I am not intending to speak to all addicts or addictions, when I found that I could not control my drinking, putting my faith into the other, the “higher power” just worked. And that is why I felt that Gilbert’s book is, or can be very valuable. She presents her experience and her views on the program, her perception of what the program teaches and requires. Her book was her perceptions of the program and teachings just the same way that in Big Book meetings there are readings, then discussions by the members. I can’t tell you how often I have heard a member tell their perception of a passage that I thought was just plain wacky or not how I would interpret it, but I respect the attempt to try to make something nearly unknowable … understandable. Gilbert’s writing, for all of the flaws that you identified, felt truthful to her imperfect experience. If one reader takes Gilbert’s words, as she/he/them may read/hear, and reflects on whether his/her/their lives have become unmanageable, and considers finding a room, therapy, or whatever may be “right” for them, then a part of the book’s purpose may be fulfilled.
Again, I am not criticizing your opinions, only providing my thoughts on how important (as a whole) the book felt when I listened to Gilbert’s reading of her words.
No offense taken at all, Chris! There are certainly positive in the book I didn’t get into because I wanted to keep it to the stuff I felt she was saying about addiction generally, not weighing in on her personal experience with Rayya or even her own addiction and recovery. But I’m glad you got so much out of the book.
This is excellent. Thank you. I teach narrative medicine which is all about “not making it about you.” This is so dangerous and not for any cute reasons or shame. She has cast the perfect narcissist net. Wonderful essay.
Now this is the kind of post about Liz Gilbert’s new memoir I can get behind when it comes to criticism. The way she makes sweeping generalizations about addicts feels careless and unnecessary. Addicts are not all the same. Addiction is not a monolith. It doesn’t flatten a person into one identity, one behavior, one predictable pattern.
I grew up in a house full of addicts. I’m talking parents, friends of the family drifting in and out, people without homes my parents scooped up like strays. And not once, not ever, could I generalize who they were.
Addiction doesn’t make people identical. It doesn’t make them interchangeable. And when writers collapse addicts into stereotypes, they erase the complexity, the contradiction, the humanity that lives inside it all.
It’s not that Liz isn’t allowed to tell her truth. She is. And I’m so here for it. But truth gets stronger when it’s rooted in specificity, when it lives in the details of one lived experience instead of sweeping everyone else into the same box.
Because one thing I know for sure is that addicts are as varied and human as anyone else. They are never just one thing.
I gingerly wrote an essay about this last week, both as a 4x memoirist and someone who has struggled for many years with alcohol (and written about that too). When I think of recovery memoirs, my mind immediately goes to Drinking: A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp, and widely considered to be the first of its kind. I was trying to get my arms around Gilbert’s book, and I found myself here: it seems to me that a key component of 12-step and AA (at least the meetings I’ve attended over the years) is the combination of humility and humanity. I found spots of humanity in Gilbert’s book, but less so humility. The sense now of some sort of self-anointed expertise feels misguided and squirmy; a very well known writer in the recovery community said to me when the book came out “Now she’s going to be an expert, and claim to speak for all the addicts in the world.” And she has.
Yes, the comparison to Drinking: A Love Story is so apt. I used to call it “my” Big Book bc I related to it so much. And I related to it BECAUSE she stuck to her own story, not in spite of it.
As a woman 4.5 years sober I agree with you about the use of sweeping generalizations. I'm an atheist, have identified as such from 12 years old & is what kept me away from AA initially. I did attend frequently in early sobriety & garned many tools to aid in early recovery, particularly the fact I was not alone & not a horrible person. I have drifted away from attending meetings and probably will only attend rarely. I did learn one addicts circumstances and life is not a mirror to all addicts.
I appreciate your insight about those who get sober and then become experts on sobriety. A trap. At 40 years plus I see the variations as a good thing and when Gilbert insists “everyone is an addict” I feel compelled to say, that’s not true. No one who has suffered as real addicts to a substance would ever claim that.
Stunningly well written. I still have not read this memoir but I've seen a lot of discourse about it. This post seems to be one of the most well-written on the subject. I really appreciate your perspective as well. Thank you for sharing this.
I admit I haven't read any of Gilbert's works, mainly because I'm a secular humanist and so much of what she appears to write assumes every reader is a Christian who can't help but agree with her. I obviously don't fit the mold. But reading your analysis told me I needed to respond.
I write opinions for the most part. Early in my writing I fell into the trap of assuming all of my readers would agree with me about anything I wrote, and I wrote in such a way that every reader should have gotten that message. I don't want to think about the number of readers I must have lost because of my own arrogance, my own ego, my own conceit.
Opinions, I've learned, are fine if they're tempered with the idea that the opinions are that of a single person with a single viewpoint reaching out to others who may or may not agree. I've spoken often about preaching to the choir, and often it's a strategy that works. We need community. We need solidarity. What we don't need is the insistence that the writer is right--or that religion or any other belief is the only way.
I lost all respect for Brene Brown, who stresses vulnerability and acceptance, when she participated in an over-long and quite bizarre conversation with Russell Brand, in which they both agreed that atheists are pathetic creatures who need to be pitied for their resistance to religious faith. Brown talked about their 'sad life' without the presence of God and went so far as to suggest that people without faith have no place in her life.
Hypocrisy lives in us all. Sometimes it's best not to share it with thousands who don't buy into an author's ever word and may perhaps be offended. I wonder if Gilbert gets it now. I doubt very much if Brown does.
Gilbert defines herself as more spiritual at least from what I understand when I've been in the same room with her. She does use the word God but when I've listened to her speak that's my take on it. I've also heard her use the word higher power and goddess as well. As a devout atheist I take some of that talk with a grain of salt to get to the actual meaning of what she is trying to say.
Did not know that about Brene and will look into that more. I've read some of her books and if she believes that it will definitely change my take on things from her. I assure you, my life is not sad.
30+ years have taught me that I know nothing. 😉
I “knew” a lot more at 5 years than I do at 35. I suspect that might be a fairly common reality.
Gosh that's so true ! I remember chairing meetings in those days and you couldn't shut me up😂 Now I barely want to talk!
haha. I relate to that.
YUP!!!! <3
Yep. Pink cloud. Early sobriety is a trip.
preach!
such a relief to find an informed perspective on this book -Im not bothering to read as i have too many other things to do - what was that about anonymity and not profiting from recovery ?
Real wisdom right there.
34 yrs sober and I agree. The longer I live a sober life the more I realize how much I still need to learn.
Exactly! Also, while I'm happy to tell people that 35 years ago going to a meeting changed my life for the better, beyond that the subject is boring.
I realize I know only a little…
Amen.
Amen !👍😂
As a recovering alcoholic (2/2/84), I have learned that I can share *my* experience with drinking, drugging, recovery. Period. I can’t speak for other alcoholics. Although we have similarities in our experiences, it is not cookie-cutter identical. If I use the word “we,” it is meant to identify & qualify — not assume my experience is your experience (in either drinking/using or recovery). And I do simply share my experience— any strength or hope is what the listener leaves with (and that, too, will vary depending upon the listener’s experience). Thanks for letting me share. ☮️🙏🏼❤️
I think the personal testimonies are what make sharing recovery stories so powerful. The “what it was like, what happened, what it’s like now,” formula is a great way of keeping people focused on their experience—not what it means for everyone else.
Funny thing, and to your point: a program friend of mine likes to say that what the literature actually says is “what WE were like, what happened, and what WE are like now.” So it very much is speaking about *ourselves* and not generalizing for all alcoholics everywhere.
Yes. The “it” (life out there, life on life’s terms, etc) doesn’t really change. We do.
Totally. A valid and important point. Some in 12-step recovery can get a little too broad and pedantic about The Right Path or Who We All Are. There are broad similarities, but in the end we're all individuals.
Yes, exactly. Everyone has a different situation and there is no single blueprint. Once you are sober it can be easy to think you’ve cracked the code for everyone, but that’s just not possible. Everyone has their own triggers and weaknesses and strengths. I didnt join a program or go to meetings, I just swore never to drink again and have maintained my vow for 16 years. The woman I was seeing at the time also tried to quit, but went through multiple DUIs and felony jail time before she finally mostly quit. We are all individuals with our own damage and our own repair facilities.
A memoir is a sharing of one’s life experience. I’m unclear as to how it can be weighed upon, both in a positive and negative way? It belongs to them. It requires no defending nor explanations. Perhaps the true success of a book is when it has elicited strong feelings? In this case, apparently it has. I appreciate learning, unlearning, and trusting my own inner guidance and wisdom. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I love this....."It belongs to them" - it's so tricky because celebs often feel like they belong to us; I think that's one of the reason I loved this book (which I read cover to cover and quickly) - it's just raw, messy, real and to me - a great memoir.
That's fair!
Sorry for my english... I totally agree. I'm not an addict but I took this book just as the painful and enlightening living experience of one specific being. I did not feel any kind of lesson Liz Gilbert would have try to teach about addiction, that's why I consider her testimony as universal. Just a path she was harshly invited to follow, mirroring her own inconsistencies and blind spots, with great sincerity and courage... I loved the conversations she had with God ! 😁
“Perhaps the true success of a book is when it has elicited strong feelings?” Yes! I’ve always used “something that evokes emotion” as my definition of art.
Agree with this. Everyone has the right to produce whatever kind of book they want. But I think the author of this essay is just saying that she feels EG didn't think about it as deeply as she could have, or perhaps just hasn't had long enough to really take it all in. Too many broad brushstrokes.
I understand fully the intent of her words. We are the experts of our own lives, and a memoir is simply sharing that. Never is it intended to be “the way” for anyone else. It is within the sprinkling of the seeds, that we each are finding our way home. We inherently possess free will and choice. I would never read about someone else’s experience and believe it must be mine. No one has that kind of power.
I rolled in 2/16/84 and still have a group and go to meetings twice a week to see my friends. I stopped reading recovery memoirs halfway through the second one. I’ll still read an article or column. But a lot of it is bragging about low bottoms and “ain’t I heroic” crap. AA is perfect but it’s full of drunks. I find two things irksome to this day. One is “If you haven’t had a drink today, give yourself a hand” which is 180 degrees opposite of what the program teaches. The second was covered here but it’s worth repeating. Don’t say “We are shiftless or we are grandiose or we all enjoy driving blindfolded” or whatever cockamamie thing you do that you would like to drag others into. I always want to ask if they are using the Royal We or if they have a mouse in their pocket.
Totally. Agree. I wrote about this myself: https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/misunderstanding-alcoholics-anonymous
I have not read her latest book, but I'm always wary of memoirs that use sweeping words like "always" and "all (insert group name here).' It smacks of lazy writing and an inability to put your own experience into perspective and consider how someone else's might be different.
a million percent!
I have been taught and encouraged to remember: be careful about your certainty of your certainty.
Always, never ... dangerous ground to treat.
Agree.
Her next book will be about the “Twelve Step Cult” and her escape from that. How much you wanna bet…
12 step programs are far from perfect but they are not a cult. I honestly think characterizing them as such is harmful.
I agree, but I don't think Martha was calling them a cult; I believe she was making a joke about what the next iteration of Gilbert's memoir might be.
Thanks Katie! Substack almost reminded me of Facebook for a hot second😉
to be fair, if you HAD been calling 12-step programs a cult, that would have been problematic lol
Hahaha this is soooo true
Not.
My assessment of Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing: she is a writer who “feels” and delights in sharing the feels; she is not a writer who “thinks” and assesses and researches the facts against her own experience. The Oxford gaffe is one example of a kind of intellectual effort she doesn’t like to be bothered with. The conundrum to me is her absolutely unparalleled willingness to take on and share hard experiences— while refusing to do the hard work of processing them into something profound.
Sounds like 97% of contemporary writing!
I think I’ll write a comparison of All the Way to the River and The Kiss. Gilbert really does not love her readers.
Agree 100% with your observations. I cringe when I hear people (usually relative newbies) say, “As alcoholics … “ and then make sweeping generalizations. 30+ years sober here and I was deeply uncomfortable reading about some of Gilbert’s proclamations (thanks for reading it so I don’t have to). That said, I enjoyed “Eat Pray Love” back in the day.
I just wish more people could distinguish between “is true for me and many people I know” and is true for everyone”
It is interesting to think about generalization as the thing that makes it sellable, and helps it go from memoir (a hopefully interesting story about my life) to self-help (we are the same, so the things that fixed me will fix you!).
I feel the same way when people in AA refer to The Solution, as if there is this one very specific way to Do AA and if you veer from that you're Doing it Wrong.
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/misunderstanding-alcoholics-anonymous
The "wait 10 years before writing a recovery memoir" rule is funny because it's obviously impossible to enforce, but also painfully accurate. Early sobriety produces that evangelical certainty about What All Addicts Need—I definitely went through a phase where I thought everyone's addiction looked exactly like mine and required exactly my solution. It isn't very comfortable in retrospect, but it's also a normal part of the process when you've just discovered something that saved your life.
The difference between "this worked for me" and "this is a universal truth about all addicts" is where Gilbert's book apparently goes off the rails. You can write a powerful memoir about your own recovery without diagnosing everyone else or making sweeping claims about addict behavior that don't hold up under scrutiny. The fact that she's presenting factually incorrect information about AA's history while positioning herself as an authority on recovery is especially frustrating—if you're going to write a self-help/recovery manifesto, the research should be bulletproof.
"Addicts don't do well when they lose contact with a higher power," followed immediately by Gilbert demonstrating exactly why that kind of absolute statement is problematic, is chef's kiss levels of irony.
The point about humility versus unearned authority captures the whole issue perfectly. Writing honestly about your own messy recovery is brave. Declaring yourself an expert on all addiction after five years sober from one specific manifestation of it is… not that. Sometimes the most radical honesty is admitting the limits of what you actually know.
I feel like true humility might not warrant a recovery memoir…at all
This cracks me up because my first sponsor told me that she was going to title her autobiography "Nobody Special" - it seemed so wise to newbie me but now it's just 😳🤪😂
Totally agree. I have never understood Gilbert’s best-seller status. Eat Pray Love was intellectually lazy from the get go.
Totally true. The early days, the Pink Cloud, is ego-inducing and hard to escape in the moment. Years need to pass before you see the puzzle pieces of yourself start to come together and it all finally starts making more Big Picture sense. Our arrogance and excitement in early sobriety are humorous :)
I totally agree with your read on this book. Her insistence that her experience was the universal path for all was quite off putting. I also rolled my eyes at her frequently certainty that god was speaking to her directly.
OMG. She said that?
FREQUENTLY
I don't think EG would describe herself as a typical Christian or maybe even Christian at all. Maybe she would says he's just spiritual. As an atheist I don't know the answer to this but.....................isn't that what many Christians think? That God speaks to them directly? Which is why they do or believe the things they do? Hasn't it been that way for like eternity? People doing things because God told them to.
gosh I do feel god speaks directly to me. Neal Donald Walsh style. And recovery gave me that connection - I'm so grateful for it. And what if I'm wrong? Or god forbid, she is? Who does that hurt? I feel like god, or guides or whoever the eff is in my head has a fantastic sense of humor so that's how I roll with this whole game....
Are you in recovery yourself?
Am I? Yes.
I'm glad to know that. Thanks for getting back to me and Easy Does It.
Katie, I truly adore you and always respect your opinions —you gave me advice when I was in a very confused and lost space, for which I will always be grateful.
I read the book —actually listened to Liz’ own reading of the book, and I had a different overall take on it.
I freely admit that I have never read any of Gilbert’s other books (I know I watched the Eat, Prey movie but I did not have any preconceived notions about her when I listened to the novel.
It is a complex work, but any attempt to distill a number of years or experience into a cognizant format is bound to have parts that are going to be upsetting or even confusing to someone who didn’t live the very unique experiences. There were parts that I truly enjoyed and some that were head scratchers. But as a whole, considering all of the topics, the arc of the narrative, and the person who put even unflattering parts of her life on display (even if highly curated) I enjoyed the book. The love of two flawed people, and the difficulty of addiction and cancer (as well as being a person caring for someone with a terminal diagnosis) unlocked emotions and feelings that were painful but also cathartic. Gilbert was also able to help me realize that caretaker burn out is not a solitary experience and deserves to be discussed.
I have significant questions about people who felt the need to criticize Gilbert but never consumed the book as a whole and I appreciate you taking the time to read it. For this reason, my comments are really just a differing opinion, not necessarily critical.
As a person who has been sober for more than 10 years, and who experienced the cancer diagnosis of a loved one, and was present at the end of a brutal journey, what Gilbert tried to do in the novel felt vital and important. She brought light to topics I cannot yet discuss (for my own sanity) with her own grief, both before and after Raya’s death. As a book on the difficulties of living and loving a person who has a terminal cancer diagnosis, the mere articulating of one experience felt vital and necessary. The messiness was part of the point to me, as a reader, because like the rooms of AA when you realize you are not alone there can be a comfort that allows you to set aside the shame and the internal anger that one (me in particular) can feel, possibly finding a way forward.
As a drunk, I found the passages about AA and the related groups to be refreshing and also vital because Gilbert is a person people will undoubtably “listen to” and may open minds and hearts to considering the programs as a way to address individual addictions. The book felt important, but not for the historical or philosophy accuracy, but because she (in my mind) accurately captured the spirit of AA and related groups. So many people (not you) are quick to criticize AA because of the importance of “higher power” in the recovery process, the turning over your life to something external, as opposed to the belief that “I can control this,” or “I can fix it”. For me, and this is just a personal observation and I am not intending to speak to all addicts or addictions, when I found that I could not control my drinking, putting my faith into the other, the “higher power” just worked. And that is why I felt that Gilbert’s book is, or can be very valuable. She presents her experience and her views on the program, her perception of what the program teaches and requires. Her book was her perceptions of the program and teachings just the same way that in Big Book meetings there are readings, then discussions by the members. I can’t tell you how often I have heard a member tell their perception of a passage that I thought was just plain wacky or not how I would interpret it, but I respect the attempt to try to make something nearly unknowable … understandable. Gilbert’s writing, for all of the flaws that you identified, felt truthful to her imperfect experience. If one reader takes Gilbert’s words, as she/he/them may read/hear, and reflects on whether his/her/their lives have become unmanageable, and considers finding a room, therapy, or whatever may be “right” for them, then a part of the book’s purpose may be fulfilled.
Again, I am not criticizing your opinions, only providing my thoughts on how important (as a whole) the book felt when I listened to Gilbert’s reading of her words.
No offense taken at all, Chris! There are certainly positive in the book I didn’t get into because I wanted to keep it to the stuff I felt she was saying about addiction generally, not weighing in on her personal experience with Rayya or even her own addiction and recovery. But I’m glad you got so much out of the book.
This is excellent. Thank you. I teach narrative medicine which is all about “not making it about you.” This is so dangerous and not for any cute reasons or shame. She has cast the perfect narcissist net. Wonderful essay.
Now this is the kind of post about Liz Gilbert’s new memoir I can get behind when it comes to criticism. The way she makes sweeping generalizations about addicts feels careless and unnecessary. Addicts are not all the same. Addiction is not a monolith. It doesn’t flatten a person into one identity, one behavior, one predictable pattern.
I grew up in a house full of addicts. I’m talking parents, friends of the family drifting in and out, people without homes my parents scooped up like strays. And not once, not ever, could I generalize who they were.
Addiction doesn’t make people identical. It doesn’t make them interchangeable. And when writers collapse addicts into stereotypes, they erase the complexity, the contradiction, the humanity that lives inside it all.
It’s not that Liz isn’t allowed to tell her truth. She is. And I’m so here for it. But truth gets stronger when it’s rooted in specificity, when it lives in the details of one lived experience instead of sweeping everyone else into the same box.
Because one thing I know for sure is that addicts are as varied and human as anyone else. They are never just one thing.
Rooted in specificity: YES!!!
https://www.chumplady.com/elizabeth-gilbert-rebrands-again-in-new-memoir/ a great read.
I gingerly wrote an essay about this last week, both as a 4x memoirist and someone who has struggled for many years with alcohol (and written about that too). When I think of recovery memoirs, my mind immediately goes to Drinking: A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp, and widely considered to be the first of its kind. I was trying to get my arms around Gilbert’s book, and I found myself here: it seems to me that a key component of 12-step and AA (at least the meetings I’ve attended over the years) is the combination of humility and humanity. I found spots of humanity in Gilbert’s book, but less so humility. The sense now of some sort of self-anointed expertise feels misguided and squirmy; a very well known writer in the recovery community said to me when the book came out “Now she’s going to be an expert, and claim to speak for all the addicts in the world.” And she has.
Yes, the comparison to Drinking: A Love Story is so apt. I used to call it “my” Big Book bc I related to it so much. And I related to it BECAUSE she stuck to her own story, not in spite of it.
As a woman 4.5 years sober I agree with you about the use of sweeping generalizations. I'm an atheist, have identified as such from 12 years old & is what kept me away from AA initially. I did attend frequently in early sobriety & garned many tools to aid in early recovery, particularly the fact I was not alone & not a horrible person. I have drifted away from attending meetings and probably will only attend rarely. I did learn one addicts circumstances and life is not a mirror to all addicts.
Read this (I think you'll appreciate): https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/misunderstanding-alcoholics-anonymous
I appreciate your insight about those who get sober and then become experts on sobriety. A trap. At 40 years plus I see the variations as a good thing and when Gilbert insists “everyone is an addict” I feel compelled to say, that’s not true. No one who has suffered as real addicts to a substance would ever claim that.
Stunningly well written. I still have not read this memoir but I've seen a lot of discourse about it. This post seems to be one of the most well-written on the subject. I really appreciate your perspective as well. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much, that’s very kind of you 💛
I admit I haven't read any of Gilbert's works, mainly because I'm a secular humanist and so much of what she appears to write assumes every reader is a Christian who can't help but agree with her. I obviously don't fit the mold. But reading your analysis told me I needed to respond.
I write opinions for the most part. Early in my writing I fell into the trap of assuming all of my readers would agree with me about anything I wrote, and I wrote in such a way that every reader should have gotten that message. I don't want to think about the number of readers I must have lost because of my own arrogance, my own ego, my own conceit.
Opinions, I've learned, are fine if they're tempered with the idea that the opinions are that of a single person with a single viewpoint reaching out to others who may or may not agree. I've spoken often about preaching to the choir, and often it's a strategy that works. We need community. We need solidarity. What we don't need is the insistence that the writer is right--or that religion or any other belief is the only way.
I lost all respect for Brene Brown, who stresses vulnerability and acceptance, when she participated in an over-long and quite bizarre conversation with Russell Brand, in which they both agreed that atheists are pathetic creatures who need to be pitied for their resistance to religious faith. Brown talked about their 'sad life' without the presence of God and went so far as to suggest that people without faith have no place in her life.
Hypocrisy lives in us all. Sometimes it's best not to share it with thousands who don't buy into an author's ever word and may perhaps be offended. I wonder if Gilbert gets it now. I doubt very much if Brown does.
I don't think Gilbert identifies as a Christian, certainly not in Eat Pray Love or Big Magic.
Gilbert defines herself as more spiritual at least from what I understand when I've been in the same room with her. She does use the word God but when I've listened to her speak that's my take on it. I've also heard her use the word higher power and goddess as well. As a devout atheist I take some of that talk with a grain of salt to get to the actual meaning of what she is trying to say.
Did not know that about Brene and will look into that more. I've read some of her books and if she believes that it will definitely change my take on things from her. I assure you, my life is not sad.