My cousin comes from a long line of alcoholics, and her drinking is getting worse. She’s going to college in the fall; I’m worried but don't know what to say.
I remember my mother talking to me and telling me that our family just can't drink. And I was like, maybe others can't, but I'll figure out how to do it right.
Okay, here's what I wonder. We all struggled with my dad's drinking problem, but when I suggested that we all stop drinking together to show that we don't need drinking my mom said no. She wasn't going to quit having fun because he was an adult and needed to do it on his own. Okay, flash forward to me partying in college and saying all of those things (I'm in college this is what I'm supposed to be doing! etc etc). So I guess my follow up is what if my mom had said yes. What if she had shown me another way or drinking had been removed from the center of every gathering. We are raising my daughter in a completely alcohol free household (there is weed). So maybe if she can see that her parents have lots of great times without it and family events without it it will make a difference?!?! We are realistic to know that telling her we were alcoholics and it runs deep in both sides of our family probably won't have much of an effect. I am hoping the culture is shifting as a whole away from alcohol being so completely required in our lives.
I was told as a 16-year-old that I was drinking addictively, after a very public and embarrassing overdose. I would not hear it, and could not believe my behavior was any different than any other teenager. There were no adults in my life who weren’t “criticizing me” (as you said) or in their own active addiction. I went to college, had to drop out due to my addiction, which now included marijuana, and came back home to develop a short but serious meth habit. My parents put me in rehab, where I thought I’d learn to drink normally (wine and fuzzy navels, specifically) and I’ve been sober since I was 21. Looking back, I don’t think anyone could have said anything that would have changed my drinking and using. But it was nice when I was newly sober, that some friends and family still wanted to see me.
This was a great answer, most people aren’t “scared straight” by warnings, however love and understanding has never failed to help. Even to begin to love yourself more.
I once sniffed my niece’s hair after she’d been out with high school friends. I wanted to see if she’d been smoking weed. Her response: “Just because you made questionable decisions in high school doesn’t mean I will.” Fair.🤷🏻♀️
Share my story with her. I am a new writer beginning to share the immense damage 48 years of chronic alcohol abuse with the last 5 of those in obliteration. That that life was set on decisions I made on a visit to a college campus when I was 17.
I remember my mother talking to me and telling me that our family just can't drink. And I was like, maybe others can't, but I'll figure out how to do it right.
A million percent!
Okay, here's what I wonder. We all struggled with my dad's drinking problem, but when I suggested that we all stop drinking together to show that we don't need drinking my mom said no. She wasn't going to quit having fun because he was an adult and needed to do it on his own. Okay, flash forward to me partying in college and saying all of those things (I'm in college this is what I'm supposed to be doing! etc etc). So I guess my follow up is what if my mom had said yes. What if she had shown me another way or drinking had been removed from the center of every gathering. We are raising my daughter in a completely alcohol free household (there is weed). So maybe if she can see that her parents have lots of great times without it and family events without it it will make a difference?!?! We are realistic to know that telling her we were alcoholics and it runs deep in both sides of our family probably won't have much of an effect. I am hoping the culture is shifting as a whole away from alcohol being so completely required in our lives.
This is a great question, and I have some thought but I’m getting on a plane. Will respond soon!
Fly safe!
I was told as a 16-year-old that I was drinking addictively, after a very public and embarrassing overdose. I would not hear it, and could not believe my behavior was any different than any other teenager. There were no adults in my life who weren’t “criticizing me” (as you said) or in their own active addiction. I went to college, had to drop out due to my addiction, which now included marijuana, and came back home to develop a short but serious meth habit. My parents put me in rehab, where I thought I’d learn to drink normally (wine and fuzzy navels, specifically) and I’ve been sober since I was 21. Looking back, I don’t think anyone could have said anything that would have changed my drinking and using. But it was nice when I was newly sober, that some friends and family still wanted to see me.
💯 so many people tried to talk to me about my drinking and I simply would not hear it
This was a great answer, most people aren’t “scared straight” by warnings, however love and understanding has never failed to help. Even to begin to love yourself more.
I once sniffed my niece’s hair after she’d been out with high school friends. I wanted to see if she’d been smoking weed. Her response: “Just because you made questionable decisions in high school doesn’t mean I will.” Fair.🤷🏻♀️
No matter the age, people so often seem like they need to be special: above statistics, always in control, deeply aware.
Letting go of that and realizing they just might be "only" a work in progress forever is something we can all strive toward.
Maybe that lesson would ignite introspection to clearly view any addictive behavior.
Share my story with her. I am a new writer beginning to share the immense damage 48 years of chronic alcohol abuse with the last 5 of those in obliteration. That that life was set on decisions I made on a visit to a college campus when I was 17.
https://substack.com/@johngmeek25?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=8mrb0o