I relate to this. I was never a party girl (real or imagined), but I miss eating with gusto, spending without concern to finances, hiking without wondering if I should bring an ankle sleeve, and living life just a tad recklessly. My idea of living bad nowadays is eating a can of Pringles 😂
Powerful piece, Katie. Holding the line is tough — but all those small renunciations compound into clarity, self-respect, and a quieter kind of pride. Your “craving vs. compulsion” framing is gold.
Well done for saying it out loud. I’m with you — next summer marks 10 years since I quit smoking, and it was exactly this kind of honest reckoning that made it stick. 🌿
Recently thought about texting my ex back for the plot, now I'm here reading this. There are days I crave the bad things! And lord knows he's one of those bad things for me. My life is so stable now that the former bad girl who still lives inside me sometimes wants to throw a wrench in it all. I like how you framed the distinction between craving and compulsion though—it's helpful. It's also helpful to hear others share about their own cravings because I feel less wrong for feeling that way, so thank you!
I find it humbling and significant to now look back on old thrills that seemed exciting to me but we're really a way to hold off my fear of what reality was. Now, taking a chance like driving across country to make a new friend is only risky in that it stretches me into being someone I want to be!
"Stupid, boring and glum" indeed! I thought my life was over at 26 when I entered recovery through treatment. Funnily enough, today I am more adventurous because sobriety has given me a way to see myself more clearly, love myself deeply, serve others generously, and not fear the unexpected. Plus, I am not dead, or in jail!
Thanks Katie for putting yourself out there in service by speaking truth.
Yes, thank you for this! Sometimes I wish I was a smoker, because the idea of wanting something badly that can be so easily satisfied is really appealing.
I relate to this. I was never a party girl (real or imagined), but I miss eating with gusto, spending without concern to finances, hiking without wondering if I should bring an ankle sleeve, and living life just a tad recklessly. My idea of living bad nowadays is eating a can of Pringles 😂
Wild how it changes, right?? 😂
Powerful piece, Katie. Holding the line is tough — but all those small renunciations compound into clarity, self-respect, and a quieter kind of pride. Your “craving vs. compulsion” framing is gold.
Well done for saying it out loud. I’m with you — next summer marks 10 years since I quit smoking, and it was exactly this kind of honest reckoning that made it stick. 🌿
Thank you!
Recently thought about texting my ex back for the plot, now I'm here reading this. There are days I crave the bad things! And lord knows he's one of those bad things for me. My life is so stable now that the former bad girl who still lives inside me sometimes wants to throw a wrench in it all. I like how you framed the distinction between craving and compulsion though—it's helpful. It's also helpful to hear others share about their own cravings because I feel less wrong for feeling that way, so thank you!
"Craving and compulsion are not the same thing" Thank you! Most useful insight I've read this week!
Finally catching up on older posts...
Highly insightful as always!
I find it humbling and significant to now look back on old thrills that seemed exciting to me but we're really a way to hold off my fear of what reality was. Now, taking a chance like driving across country to make a new friend is only risky in that it stretches me into being someone I want to be!
The best kind of risk (and so I’m glad you did!)
Those random spurts when I crave irresponsibility never seem to vanish entirely even after 27 years…
The amazing power of sharing! Thanks Katie for the reminder that talking about things lets the air out so they lose their power over us.
Thank you! 🙏🏻
"Stupid, boring and glum" indeed! I thought my life was over at 26 when I entered recovery through treatment. Funnily enough, today I am more adventurous because sobriety has given me a way to see myself more clearly, love myself deeply, serve others generously, and not fear the unexpected. Plus, I am not dead, or in jail!
Thanks Katie for putting yourself out there in service by speaking truth.
Yes, thank you for this! Sometimes I wish I was a smoker, because the idea of wanting something badly that can be so easily satisfied is really appealing.