Genetics heighten or lower a person’s vulnerability to developing a substance use disorder, but there's a whole other side of the equation that matters just as much.
Great post. Also… if one’s child becomes addicted to something, that is also not “wrong” nor the end of the story. As you say, it’s not a matter of genetics entirely, but even if it happens, there’s a whole slew of possible outcomes even in that experience.
So many people experience addiction, and it isn’t always a “now they’re lost in the abyss forever” case. Many incredible cases of recovery show that while addiction is horrific, it can also be an incredible initiation into an even fuller version of a person. I don’t say this to downplay the horrors, just to remind myself and others that kids experiencing addiction are also undergoing a potent process that may well prove transformative for them and others in a positive way. How parents trust in that possibility (or not) also plays into how a child navigates our addictive culture.
This sort of fear, in my view, also often includes a subconscious call-back to eugenics (meaning, the notion that there’s a genetically “good” version of a human that we must to strive to produce; usually, that’s been defined as an able-bodied, neurotypical, tall, athletic, white person). Of course, it’s completely reasonable to wish ease for one’s children as they/we navigate the world, and that’s hard when we/kids fall outside idealized categories. But and also… there’s beauty, meaning, community, and purpose to a disabled, neurodivergent, addicted, and otherwise challenging / stigmatized existence. Not to get too woo or something, but if Life is genuinely inspiring someone to have kids even if challenging genetic conditions may unfold from that choice, perhaps Life is communicating that those conditions are worth living out, too.
Again, not trying to downplay the really justifiable fear of this possible parent; simply trying to widen our collective understanding of what constitutes a life worth birthing.
Good Post! I tell my clients all the time that genetically everyone has a risk for alcoholism/addiction, some higher or lower but no one has zero risk. Just like if family members had a history of heart disease, you have that risk, but that doesn't mean you automatically have it, just that you have the risk.
Growing up with alcoholic parents often associates itself with common traits that are counterintuitive to raising healthy, normally adaptive children, unless the adult children (parents) do some work of their own to minimize the traits that are passed down from generation to generation (not the genetic stuff). Most often therapy that includes Internal Family Systems, 12 step recovery such as Adult Children of Alcoholics, or a combination of both is helpful.
It is heartening to read that you are proactive in your approach to raising children!
Well...considering the global state of affairs, I for one, would not have kids. The real danger of what they will inherit is that the world is no longer a safe place. With the terror in the US and elsewhere and global warming...I suggest you watch a few documentaries on global warming before you decide. Ultimately the decision belongs to you and your husband. I'm simply stating my opinion.
Great post. Also… if one’s child becomes addicted to something, that is also not “wrong” nor the end of the story. As you say, it’s not a matter of genetics entirely, but even if it happens, there’s a whole slew of possible outcomes even in that experience.
So many people experience addiction, and it isn’t always a “now they’re lost in the abyss forever” case. Many incredible cases of recovery show that while addiction is horrific, it can also be an incredible initiation into an even fuller version of a person. I don’t say this to downplay the horrors, just to remind myself and others that kids experiencing addiction are also undergoing a potent process that may well prove transformative for them and others in a positive way. How parents trust in that possibility (or not) also plays into how a child navigates our addictive culture.
This sort of fear, in my view, also often includes a subconscious call-back to eugenics (meaning, the notion that there’s a genetically “good” version of a human that we must to strive to produce; usually, that’s been defined as an able-bodied, neurotypical, tall, athletic, white person). Of course, it’s completely reasonable to wish ease for one’s children as they/we navigate the world, and that’s hard when we/kids fall outside idealized categories. But and also… there’s beauty, meaning, community, and purpose to a disabled, neurodivergent, addicted, and otherwise challenging / stigmatized existence. Not to get too woo or something, but if Life is genuinely inspiring someone to have kids even if challenging genetic conditions may unfold from that choice, perhaps Life is communicating that those conditions are worth living out, too.
Again, not trying to downplay the really justifiable fear of this possible parent; simply trying to widen our collective understanding of what constitutes a life worth birthing.
Wonderfully coherent response!
Great advice for the person writing in!
Good Post! I tell my clients all the time that genetically everyone has a risk for alcoholism/addiction, some higher or lower but no one has zero risk. Just like if family members had a history of heart disease, you have that risk, but that doesn't mean you automatically have it, just that you have the risk.
Growing up with alcoholic parents often associates itself with common traits that are counterintuitive to raising healthy, normally adaptive children, unless the adult children (parents) do some work of their own to minimize the traits that are passed down from generation to generation (not the genetic stuff). Most often therapy that includes Internal Family Systems, 12 step recovery such as Adult Children of Alcoholics, or a combination of both is helpful.
It is heartening to read that you are proactive in your approach to raising children!
Well...considering the global state of affairs, I for one, would not have kids. The real danger of what they will inherit is that the world is no longer a safe place. With the terror in the US and elsewhere and global warming...I suggest you watch a few documentaries on global warming before you decide. Ultimately the decision belongs to you and your husband. I'm simply stating my opinion.
Thank you!