Thinking about and even wanting to drink, knowing where it will take us, is perfectly normal. I think it's what defines us as alcoholics. A "normal" person, knowing that drinking will lead them to (fill in the blank with your own disaster), or who vomited the first time they drank, or blacked out...well, they don't drink again because, duh! But we're wired differently. And we don't talk about that enough, so thank you for saying it. I had a good friend who *went out* (she's back a number of years) because she was thinking about drinking and wanting to drink even though she was going to meetings and doing the work. She just never told anyone about her thoughts. She was ashamed and thought she was a failure at getting and staying sober. Perfect example of the saying, We're only as sick as our secrets.
Personally, I don't miss the booze itself, but there are times I miss the obliteration and the chaos.
i love the perspective that everyone has their own path to sobriety, and it’s super helpful for me — a person not even 2 years out from breaking up with alcohol — to remember that it’s not a bad thing to miss it.
i think what i miss is the relaxation, the carefree attitude i got while drinking. and then i remind myself that i know plenty of other ways to get there that won’t cause me to panic or hate myself the next day
This! I must remember the reasons why I should NOT drink and stop the “romanticizing “ . Do I miss the glass (many glasses) of wine with my husband and friends, yes. But , I need to remember that it leads to unhealthy behavior and it’s a bad habit that I cant just stop . I’m not that person that will forget about a drink sitting there. I will always be worried about the next drink.
If I stop, there is nothing to think about. Moderation is just exhausting.
Lots to think about here. I especially appreciate your willingness to put trust in your readers as you share this perspective, and your ability to make it easy for me to visualize what it must be like, day to day. And you're right, it can be frustrating to do the work and to attend meetings only to come away with a feeling that our own experience with cravings seems to be the outlier. My own just so happened to be the reverse, but I don't believe that suggests that any one POV w/r/t/ cravings is more common or valid than any other. I think luck may be a big factor in finding any kind of common ground at meetings, and I also sometimes wonder if the kinds of shares you hear one given location might have a tendency to conform to some sort of pattern that's linked to what has been shared there in the past and how those previous shares ultimately wound up resonating for others in attendance.
Amen, I miss having a glass (always more than one glass) of vino w/food and a stiff vodka or gin. I don’t deny it but the feeling passes pretty quickly 5 years later & as a 3 timer @ rehab, I know how the story will end if I drink again.
Really love the idea of there being way too much of "this is what recovery should look like", when it really varies so much person to person. Thanks for the honest, I definitely resonated with this one!
I would change some of the weird, but that's just me getting pissy about phrasing. Otherwise, it's my story.
I like the idea of saying this stuff out loud. For a while, I ended recovery meetings by saying my dirty little secret was that I looked like I was helping others, but I was really doing it for myself. Not a bad secret to have.
Thinking about and even wanting to drink, knowing where it will take us, is perfectly normal. I think it's what defines us as alcoholics. A "normal" person, knowing that drinking will lead them to (fill in the blank with your own disaster), or who vomited the first time they drank, or blacked out...well, they don't drink again because, duh! But we're wired differently. And we don't talk about that enough, so thank you for saying it. I had a good friend who *went out* (she's back a number of years) because she was thinking about drinking and wanting to drink even though she was going to meetings and doing the work. She just never told anyone about her thoughts. She was ashamed and thought she was a failure at getting and staying sober. Perfect example of the saying, We're only as sick as our secrets.
Personally, I don't miss the booze itself, but there are times I miss the obliteration and the chaos.
100%
i love the perspective that everyone has their own path to sobriety, and it’s super helpful for me — a person not even 2 years out from breaking up with alcohol — to remember that it’s not a bad thing to miss it.
i think what i miss is the relaxation, the carefree attitude i got while drinking. and then i remind myself that i know plenty of other ways to get there that won’t cause me to panic or hate myself the next day
Yes!
This! I must remember the reasons why I should NOT drink and stop the “romanticizing “ . Do I miss the glass (many glasses) of wine with my husband and friends, yes. But , I need to remember that it leads to unhealthy behavior and it’s a bad habit that I cant just stop . I’m not that person that will forget about a drink sitting there. I will always be worried about the next drink.
If I stop, there is nothing to think about. Moderation is just exhausting.
SO exhausting
The excruciatingly slow drinking pace is so spot on 😂 I love this whole post, thank you Katie!
haha, thank you!
I have to “tell on myself” now and then in meetings, definitely helps keep me sober. Others do it too, thankfully.
Beautiful, wise, important post — I am bookmarking it.
💛💛
Lots to think about here. I especially appreciate your willingness to put trust in your readers as you share this perspective, and your ability to make it easy for me to visualize what it must be like, day to day. And you're right, it can be frustrating to do the work and to attend meetings only to come away with a feeling that our own experience with cravings seems to be the outlier. My own just so happened to be the reverse, but I don't believe that suggests that any one POV w/r/t/ cravings is more common or valid than any other. I think luck may be a big factor in finding any kind of common ground at meetings, and I also sometimes wonder if the kinds of shares you hear one given location might have a tendency to conform to some sort of pattern that's linked to what has been shared there in the past and how those previous shares ultimately wound up resonating for others in attendance.
Thank you so much for sharing this. So much of it resonated really very deeply!
I’m so glad! Thank you.
Amen, I miss having a glass (always more than one glass) of vino w/food and a stiff vodka or gin. I don’t deny it but the feeling passes pretty quickly 5 years later & as a 3 timer @ rehab, I know how the story will end if I drink again.
Really love the idea of there being way too much of "this is what recovery should look like", when it really varies so much person to person. Thanks for the honest, I definitely resonated with this one!
Thank you!
I would change some of the weird, but that's just me getting pissy about phrasing. Otherwise, it's my story.
I like the idea of saying this stuff out loud. For a while, I ended recovery meetings by saying my dirty little secret was that I looked like I was helping others, but I was really doing it for myself. Not a bad secret to have.
So good
I identify with every word of this. I wrote a similar piece (from the perspective of 2 years sober) that you might like to read called Part Of A Healthy Recovery From Addiciton Is Saying Out Loud: I Miss It. https://honestlywritten.substack.com/p/part-of-a-healthy-recovery-from-addiction
Thank you! I can definitely understand feeling this way about cigarettes
Saaaaame