Very thoughtful response to an important question. I think relapse is part of some recovery stories (just like divorce is part of some recovery stories, or unemployment, or … other realities of living a human story). I think, too, that different factors contribute to “relapse”; I have a family member who couldn’t maintain his sobriety until his anxiety & depression was addressed as aggressively as his drinking. I think the danger lies in judging one’s relapse as the fault of “not working the program.”
I like how you separate literal accuracy from emotional usefulness without dismissing either. A lot of people get tripped up on slogans because they sound absolute, when they’re really meant to be lifelines in bad moments. Your point about recovery not being linear gets at the heart of it without excusing harmful behavior. It also helps reduce shame for people who stumble without telling them it’s inevitable.
I’m on day 34 and, while I love hearing that I won’t be a failure if I relapse, I’m worried that message (which I am grateful to receive in NA) will somehow give me permission to drink again. But then again, if I was constantly told relapse would mean I failed, I might be more inclined to give up when things get rough. So much to think about right now LOL. ODAAT, I know.
Congratulations on day 34! I know exactly the fears you mention (both the fear of relapse "permission" and giving up when things get tough). But the truth is, you've had "permission" to drink for 33 days and you haven't done it. Because it's not about whether you have permission or not. It's about what you're doing for yourself. I think you know that, and you're doing a great job, one day at a time. Feel free to reach out anytime. :)
Thank you so much!! I, too, have been annoyed by all the slogans but I do understand the benefits now that I'm in the thick of it. I will never knock something that works for others but I have found NA to be a more helpful environment for me personally even though my DOC is solely alcohol. The vibe just feels different. However, the universal "Don't give up before the miracle happens" is the slogan I reach for when I'm feeling squirrely. I do believe something amazing is going to happen if I keep going. I've seen it for others so I'm excited to see what will be for me.
Very thoughtful response to an important question. I think relapse is part of some recovery stories (just like divorce is part of some recovery stories, or unemployment, or … other realities of living a human story). I think, too, that different factors contribute to “relapse”; I have a family member who couldn’t maintain his sobriety until his anxiety & depression was addressed as aggressively as his drinking. I think the danger lies in judging one’s relapse as the fault of “not working the program.”
I agree a million percent!
That is a brilliant point!!!
I like how you separate literal accuracy from emotional usefulness without dismissing either. A lot of people get tripped up on slogans because they sound absolute, when they’re really meant to be lifelines in bad moments. Your point about recovery not being linear gets at the heart of it without excusing harmful behavior. It also helps reduce shame for people who stumble without telling them it’s inevitable.
Another late comment: I really enjoy reading your stuff! And not just because I agree! 😀
Seriously, well put. If only adds that pithy aphorisms are great for catching the ear, but extra thought is lost.
I think it's more useful to not stigmatize relapse, period, full stop. But of course never justify as a "normal" event.
Late comments always welcome, especially when they’re this nice! 😊
I’m on day 34 and, while I love hearing that I won’t be a failure if I relapse, I’m worried that message (which I am grateful to receive in NA) will somehow give me permission to drink again. But then again, if I was constantly told relapse would mean I failed, I might be more inclined to give up when things get rough. So much to think about right now LOL. ODAAT, I know.
Congratulations on day 34! I know exactly the fears you mention (both the fear of relapse "permission" and giving up when things get tough). But the truth is, you've had "permission" to drink for 33 days and you haven't done it. Because it's not about whether you have permission or not. It's about what you're doing for yourself. I think you know that, and you're doing a great job, one day at a time. Feel free to reach out anytime. :)
Thank you so much!! I, too, have been annoyed by all the slogans but I do understand the benefits now that I'm in the thick of it. I will never knock something that works for others but I have found NA to be a more helpful environment for me personally even though my DOC is solely alcohol. The vibe just feels different. However, the universal "Don't give up before the miracle happens" is the slogan I reach for when I'm feeling squirrely. I do believe something amazing is going to happen if I keep going. I've seen it for others so I'm excited to see what will be for me.
The importance of finding the right vibe for you can’t be overstated!