Why is it so important to drink? It can't be the taste because there are a lot of non alcoholic options that are delicious, including non alcoholic wine, beer, and even spirits these days. So it must be the feeling. Which is the absolute wrong reason to drink again, because that is why we are all here.
When I went to AA, it was so I could function in a world full of drinkers without drinking myself. I do that and its so ingrained in me now I do not miss it. But I have wondered the same thing and, while I could give it a go, I don't. Why? I have too much to lose if I do.
This is such a thoughtful, empathetic essay, Katie. Tons of alcoholics fantasize about someday enjoying a lovely glass of something. But most can’t stop at one. And the loveliness soon turns to ugliness. Thanks for writing!
AA wasn’t a long term fit for me, but it helped me through a rough time. That said, I know I can’t go back to even drinking occassionally, and it’s good to know AA will always be there if I need it
I think a lot of us feel early in the process that it's not fair that we can't drink. Everybody else gets to and has lots of fun. So many activities in our society revolve around alcohol and they’re always portrayed in a positive way. Of course that's a myth. Lots of people drink and don't have fun even if they're not an alcoholic. Most activities associated with alcohol aren't positive. And of course society ignores the abuse and heartbreak that go along with it. I'm glad I got over that hurdle.
Gosh, I could relate to all of this... the feelings of the person asking the question and the excellent answer/points you provided. At almost 4 years sober, I am finally starting to not "miss" alcohol. Some people get there quicker, and I'm envious of them! Anyway, I left AA after 2 years of sobriety when someone in a meeting (someone I trusted and respected) called me out for not identifying as an "alcoholic" and not having a sponsor. I didn't attend meetings for a year or so, although I kept in contact with a few wonderful women I met through AA, my sober tribe. I'm back to attending 2 women's meetings a week, and nobody makes me feel "less than" for not identifying as an alcoholic. I just don't like the word! I certainly qualify as someone who can't stop at just 1 drink and know I'll never be able to drink "normally" again, whatever that means. I was always a blackout drinker, so "normal drinking" is not something I understand. Anyway, life is 100% better without alcohol, and I'm grateful for ALL the ways/programs available to help us get & stay sober. Thanks for this great article:)
I’m 6+ years sober and active in AA. Being sober has become my way of life. With that said and early on, I often thought about a scientific based relapse, composed of having one drink. If I couldn’t stop at the “normal drinker” one to two drinks, I would go back quickly to abstinence. But if I was able to stop at one drink without any misgivings or brain signals telling me to drink more — would I prove that I’m not addicted? After 6 years this experiment holds the real risk of throwing away everything I have gained.
A therapist helped me to come to terms with my addiction. I only wish i had been totally honest with her from the start about my drinking. I am very grateful to be sober.
I'd only add to forget drinking per se as the subject. If ANY behavior begins to have more consequences than fun, then introspection is sorely needed. And that is so very much an individual process. If time away from that behavior creates urges, questioning them in light of deciding how you want to live your life should be your guidance.
I hate clichés, but that's really the time for self love. If drinking no longer serves you, you are choosing the life that's right for you.
Why is it so important to drink? It can't be the taste because there are a lot of non alcoholic options that are delicious, including non alcoholic wine, beer, and even spirits these days. So it must be the feeling. Which is the absolute wrong reason to drink again, because that is why we are all here.
When I went to AA, it was so I could function in a world full of drinkers without drinking myself. I do that and its so ingrained in me now I do not miss it. But I have wondered the same thing and, while I could give it a go, I don't. Why? I have too much to lose if I do.
This is such a thoughtful, empathetic essay, Katie. Tons of alcoholics fantasize about someday enjoying a lovely glass of something. But most can’t stop at one. And the loveliness soon turns to ugliness. Thanks for writing!
AA wasn’t a long term fit for me, but it helped me through a rough time. That said, I know I can’t go back to even drinking occassionally, and it’s good to know AA will always be there if I need it
I feel the same way!
I think a lot of us feel early in the process that it's not fair that we can't drink. Everybody else gets to and has lots of fun. So many activities in our society revolve around alcohol and they’re always portrayed in a positive way. Of course that's a myth. Lots of people drink and don't have fun even if they're not an alcoholic. Most activities associated with alcohol aren't positive. And of course society ignores the abuse and heartbreak that go along with it. I'm glad I got over that hurdle.
Gosh, I could relate to all of this... the feelings of the person asking the question and the excellent answer/points you provided. At almost 4 years sober, I am finally starting to not "miss" alcohol. Some people get there quicker, and I'm envious of them! Anyway, I left AA after 2 years of sobriety when someone in a meeting (someone I trusted and respected) called me out for not identifying as an "alcoholic" and not having a sponsor. I didn't attend meetings for a year or so, although I kept in contact with a few wonderful women I met through AA, my sober tribe. I'm back to attending 2 women's meetings a week, and nobody makes me feel "less than" for not identifying as an alcoholic. I just don't like the word! I certainly qualify as someone who can't stop at just 1 drink and know I'll never be able to drink "normally" again, whatever that means. I was always a blackout drinker, so "normal drinking" is not something I understand. Anyway, life is 100% better without alcohol, and I'm grateful for ALL the ways/programs available to help us get & stay sober. Thanks for this great article:)
thank you for sharing this! would it be okay if I linked to this comment in an upcoming response? it’s relevant to a question I received.
Yes, absolutely😊
I’m 6+ years sober and active in AA. Being sober has become my way of life. With that said and early on, I often thought about a scientific based relapse, composed of having one drink. If I couldn’t stop at the “normal drinker” one to two drinks, I would go back quickly to abstinence. But if I was able to stop at one drink without any misgivings or brain signals telling me to drink more — would I prove that I’m not addicted? After 6 years this experiment holds the real risk of throwing away everything I have gained.
A therapist helped me to come to terms with my addiction. I only wish i had been totally honest with her from the start about my drinking. I am very grateful to be sober.
I’m grateful that you are sober, too!
Also, your commenters are a clever as you!
Spot on, Katie, as usual.
I'd only add to forget drinking per se as the subject. If ANY behavior begins to have more consequences than fun, then introspection is sorely needed. And that is so very much an individual process. If time away from that behavior creates urges, questioning them in light of deciding how you want to live your life should be your guidance.
I hate clichés, but that's really the time for self love. If drinking no longer serves you, you are choosing the life that's right for you.
A pickle can never turn back into a cucumber 😉
Wishing the reader the best on their recovery journey.